9/21/12

Album Covers #27: Just Add Chicks


I feel sorry for today's musicians. Without vinyl, there's no big canvass to cover your album.... and without this big canvas, there's no room for cheesecake.  At least artists during the cassette and CD days could employ the "sex sells" technique via music videos.  Now artists have no venue for cheesecake. Such a pity.

Minimize it if you like, but hundreds upon of hundreds of artists relied on it to get those damn records sold.  They weren't stupid, nor were their record companies.  If it helped sell records, what was the harm?

Viti Ruiz, for instance (above), is a talented vocalist and brother of the famous salsa extraordinaire Frankie Ruiz.  Viti made the sound business decision to have a chick blow into a trumpet for his LP cover.  Wise man, that Viti.  Of course, Viti Ruiz took the "sex sells" principle to the extreme with his 1993 album Me Tienes Sufriendo.... for images of that, you'll have to look elsewhere, I'm afraid.

Anyway, today we're looking at male artists who appear proudly alongside their smoking hot cheesecake.




This is among my all time favorite covers (although, I hate the lame cherub tracklist eyesore which nearly ruins it).  It's got humor, a girl without pants, and those bigass old timey computers.  I'm not quite sure what's going on in the picture, but it's fun and interesting to look at nonetheless.


Stay focused, Barry! For the love of God, stay focused!


Max Torres is lookin' fly, wouldn't you say?  Meanwhile, his cheesecake model seems to have thrown her back out.  Also, that equation on the board is so totally made up - please, chemists and mathematicians out there, correct me if I'm wrong.


Really awful cut and paste job around the fingers. I know they didn't have Photoshop back then, but it seems like they could've actually had the model hold up this picture rather than paste it in.  (Sometimes I am overwhelmed by my own ability to focus on the negative - in this case, bitch about the scissor work and totally ignore the gigantic boobs.)


Am I crazy for thinking this girl looks like Finola Hughs (Blossom, All My Children).  If you Google her, you'll get a bunch of pictures that don't look like the picture above and you'll curse my name for wasting your time.  However, Finola had a Sheena Easton-ish phase and she looked exactly like this..... I'm stickin' to it even though I'm almost certainly wrong.



Country and Western Hoe-Down was a 1967 film.  I'm not sure why Pee Wee King's name is written in the possessive.  That annoys the hell out of me for some reason.  After a bit of research, I found that these girls are the Collins Sisters (Joyce and Darlene).


Stay focused, Fritz!  For the love of God, stay focused!

And this last one is a repost from a long time back.  Still one of my favorites....


Mr. Shydlowsky just had his wife (or sister) stand there and hold a guitar.  Hopefully, her miniskirt could help sell some records, and subsequently sell Ukrainian automobiles.  A plan of pure genius.

11 comments:

  1. The girl of Viti Ruiz takes the grand prize, IMHO. "Nester Shydlowsky"?! Now that's a catchy name.

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  2. Seeing that details are important to us here, the young lady on the Viti Ruiz cover is sucking on a flugel horn, not a trumpet. There is a Chuck Mangione fan out there who will call your attention to this detail. In other news, this image seems to be the only one containing a woman and a flugel horn on the internet.

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    1. I'm that person. It's a flugelhorn! Maybe that girl was Viti's Main Squeeze and that photo was taken The Day After ([Their] First Night Together), whence she said it Feels So Good.

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  3. All I saw was a World Class waxjob.Bravo,Ms. Flugel Horn.

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  4. The Limeliters lp is from 1965, so they would have been in hot competition with "Mr Tamborine Man". A battle of the bands! They probably thought the Mary Travers ringer would do it.

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    1. Interesting it's not the original Limeliters. Glenn Yarborough isn't there.

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  5. The Royal Navy. The Royal Theatre Company. The Royal Winnipeg Ballet. The Royal Air Force. The Royal Company of Archers. The Royal Polka Kings.

    You might want to show a bit more cultural sensitivity; in the UK "pants" refers to "underwear."

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  6. To borrow from Portlandia - "Just put a Bird on it!" (we'll use the UK slang for bird in this case...)

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  7. Those cars aren't Ukrainian. The green one is a Plymouth Duster. It looks like they are in a Plymouth Dealership. The "Beep Beep" signs refer to the Plymouth Road Runner.

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    1. So is the blue one in the background...

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