5/9/12

Food & Drink #17


Sweet, sweet Lord.  This cannot be what I think it is (rubbing eyes) - a piece of bread with an inch thick layer of yellow-orange "cheese" spread.  There's only a two scenarios where eating this is acceptable: (1) You are on Fear Factor and may win lots of money by eating it, or (2) You are in the midst of a zombie holocaust.... because, at that point, f**k it.





It's a pity.  That macaroni looks like it'd be a good meal were it not for those bars of compressed pig lips and assholes. Only the McRib is more grotesque in the world of processed meat products.


This may be the oddest coupon cross promotion I've ever seen.  Two pairs of nylons with a bag of Cheetos puffs.... really?  What's next, a free pair of panties with every box of Crunch-n-Munch?  A free sanitary napkin in every box of Honeycomb?

I'm sorry, but you don't get to drop a slice of cheese on a hot dog and call it a "Treatwich".  It's just a lousy hot dog with cheese. (And what's with the tomato? A sad lackluster attempt at looking nouveau?)

I've never been a big fan of the 'wiener on a stick' concept to begin with.  Coating it in cereal doesn't make it's awfulness go away.

Yes, when I think of mod subculture, I think of tailored suits, scooters, pop art, The Who, Mary Quant..... and individually sliced cheese. (I wonder if amphetamines are tucked in the center of each psychedelic radish.)

19 comments:

  1. I always felt that Cheez Whiz should only be used for caulking windows and bathroom tile.

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  2. My best childhood friend's Grandmother, Eunice, would make us tiny bridge sandwiches when we came to swim in the pool during summer. Our favorite was Wonder bread without crusts, spread with a very thin layer of that exact Cheez Whiz on each side & thinly sliced green olives. She would cut them into 4 little triangles & make a plate of them to go with her dirty martinis & our iced tea. They were amazing & I haven't had one in YEARS (15, possibly 20) but are still one of my favorite sandwiches ever.

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  3. AnonymousMay 09, 2012

    Your comments regarding the Cheetoes promotion had me in tears...

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    Replies
    1. Agreed. "A free sanitary napkin in every box of Honeycomb?" was the best laugh I've had all day.

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    2. AnonymousMay 15, 2012

      It just made me too scared to open a box of Corn Flakes!

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  4. It is hard to believe that these photos of these...foods... were ever considered appetizing!

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  5. AnonymousMay 10, 2012

    Perhaps the most amazing thing about these particular advertisements is that even after all these years all these products are still going strong in spite of the inept marketing. By the way, McRib equals McDelicious.

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  6. Virtual61May 10, 2012

    Where is the Ravioli in a can ... Kraft used to make 'em ...

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    Replies
    1. Paul DucaMay 12, 2012

      Chef Boy-ar-dee never stopped...

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  7. That first add had me in stitches! The look of the pile of "cheese" on top of the bread is bad enough, but then the story! Why do you feed the TV repair man? Is this normal? And eating "seven innings worth" is enough to make me gag!

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    Replies
    1. Paul DucaMay 12, 2012

      A working TV means a husband out of a wife's hair...of COURSE she'd feed the repairman. The question is, do you think he billed for the seven innings?

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  8. When I was in the army cadets and ate field rations we would call the processed cheese in a tin "Cheese, Posessed". I shudder to think what that "process" was that turned churned milk into stinking flubber.

    Whenever I've travelled to America and Australia, I'm amazed at how much food comes smothered in processed cheese. In Australia, I had the nerve to ask at a BBQ for a hot dog WITHOUT cheese and people looked at me as if I was soft in the head.

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  9. I never could get into Cheez Whiz, or, for that matter, the mystery meat Spam, but as a kid, I would do almost anything for a can of Chef Boyardee Ravioli (wouldn't touch it with a 10-foot pole these days). :-)

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  10. When I saw how thick that Cheez Whiz waz, er was, I could feel my heart tightening up. Sick.

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  11. One minor point of disagreement: The McRib is actually better than any other quadruped-based food product available at McDonald's. Which I admit is not saying much. . .

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  12. I've got nothing against Cheez Whiz, but... the way it's spackled on that slice makes me think that it might be (gulp)... room temperature!

    Ugh.

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  13. Not only is that a strange promotional combination (Cheetos and nylons), but from the package shown there, it looks like they're nylons for double amputees. Now that's weird. How many double-amputee chicks even wear nylons?

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  14. Paul DucaMay 12, 2012

    In Vance Packard's book THE HIDDEN PERSUADERS (about psychological manipulation of people by advertisers and others), he wrote of a company who put a coupon for a free pair of stockings inside its package of soup mix. The promotion flopped, because it made people think of having feet in their soup.

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  15. When I was a kid, I stayed overnight at a friend's house. He supplemented the Totino's pizza with globs of Cheez Whiz. I didn't understand it then, and I don't understand it now.

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