Supergirl #6: The Movie
I'll be upfront with you folks, I only made it twenty minutes into this film and could not, by force of will, make any further. I can normally muscle my way through the lousiest of films, but this one was so unbelievably awful that I literally could not make it to the halfway mark.
The Supergirl movie had everything going for it: a fairly big budget, a pretty young star, big name celebs, and, most importantly, plenty of hype surrounding the Superman movies. The promise of Supergirl being a financial success was so great, Helen Slater was offered a three movie deal.... there was no way this was going to fail!
But it sucked. It sucked hard.
The movie opens in the Inner Universe of Argo City (?) with Peter O'Toole as Zaltar. Two things wrong immediately:
(1) Zaltar is wearing a Bill Cosby sweater.
(2) O'Toole is acting like he's playing Puck in A Midsummer Night's Dream..... take it down a notch, Pete. This is Supergirl, not the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts.
At some point he whips out something called an Omegahedron.... and things get stupider.
(3) Evidently, this thing is incredibly powerful and can literally imbue life into things.... exactly how in the hell Zaltar was able to obtain this incredibly powerful object, and can now play with it in the park like a hacky sack is beyond me.
(4) It looks like those crazy balls you get in gumball machines. Worst of all it's called an Omegahedron. Really? That's the name they went with?
(5) I'm still in a state of unbelief that Zaltar would be frolicking around with an item as powerful as this. Of course, he quickly loses it, and we learn that Argo City will not live a few more days without it (!) And Zaltar literally banishes himself to The Phantom Zone. This movie makes no effing sense!!
(6) Kara (aka Supergirl) leaves Inner Space and heads to Outer Space in a lame looking space capsule. The journey looks like a cheap imitation of the final scene in 2001:A Space Odyssey with lots of weird music and lava lamp bubbles.
(7) The Omegahedron just happens to fall in the lap of a witch who just happened to be contemplating taking over the world with black magic. What are the odds?!?!
(8) Kara lands on Earth and emerges from her pod inexplicably in her Supergirl costume. How'd that happen? There's no explanation. She then proceeds to sniff flowers, enjoying Earth's bounty.
(9) Supergirl then learns she can fly. She glides over mountain ranges, cityscapes, deserts filled with wild horses, and vast oceans in a flight sequence that seems to last an eternity...
.... and this, dear reader, is where I shut it off.
I really wanted to like this. I wanted to finish out Supergirl week with a full movie review, but, alas, it was not meant to be. This movie sucks balls.