11/24/10

Supergirl #6: The Movie



I'll be upfront with you folks, I only made it twenty minutes into this film and could not, by force of will, make any further.  I can normally muscle my way through the lousiest of films, but this one was so unbelievably awful that I literally could not make it to the halfway mark.

The Supergirl movie had everything going for it: a fairly big budget, a pretty young star, big name celebs, and, most importantly, plenty of hype surrounding the Superman movies.  The promise of Supergirl being a financial success was so great, Helen Slater was offered a three movie deal.... there was no way this was going to fail!

But it sucked. It sucked hard.





The movie opens in the Inner Universe of Argo City (?) with Peter O'Toole as Zaltar.  Two things wrong immediately:

(1) Zaltar is wearing a Bill Cosby sweater.

(2) O'Toole is acting like he's playing Puck in A Midsummer Night's Dream..... take it down a notch, Pete.  This is Supergirl, not the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts.



At some point he whips out something called an Omegahedron.... and things get stupider.

(3) Evidently, this thing is incredibly powerful  and can literally imbue life into things.... exactly how in the hell Zaltar was able to obtain this incredibly powerful object, and can now play with it in the park like a hacky sack is beyond me.

(4) It looks like those crazy balls you get in gumball machines. Worst of all it's called an Omegahedron. Really? That's the name they went with?



(5) I'm still in a state of unbelief that Zaltar would be frolicking around with an item as powerful as this.  Of course, he quickly loses it, and we learn that Argo City will not live a few more days without it (!) And Zaltar literally banishes himself to The Phantom Zone.   This movie makes no effing sense!!



(6) Kara (aka Supergirl) leaves Inner Space and heads to Outer Space in a lame looking space capsule.  The journey looks like a cheap imitation of the final scene in 2001:A Space Odyssey with lots of weird music and lava lamp bubbles.


(7) The Omegahedron just happens to fall in the lap of a witch who just happened to be contemplating taking over the world with black magic.  What are the odds?!?!



(8) Kara lands on Earth and emerges from her pod inexplicably in her Supergirl costume. How'd that happen? There's no explanation.  She then proceeds to sniff flowers, enjoying Earth's bounty.

(9) Supergirl then learns she can fly.  She glides over mountain ranges, cityscapes, deserts filled with wild horses, and vast oceans in a flight sequence that seems to last an eternity...


.... and this, dear reader, is where I shut it off.

I really wanted to like this.  I wanted to finish out Supergirl week with a full movie review, but, alas, it was not meant to be.  This movie sucks balls.

8 comments:

  1. Usually I'm critical of people who declare "this movie sucks" without even finishing it, but I'll give you this one. The problem with the Supergirl movie is that it's paced at the speed of evolution and they've made Kara ridiculously uninteresting (actually, MOST of the characters in the film are uninteresting).

    Faye Dunaway and Brenda Vacaro both seemed to relish their roles and they descend into pure camp as it progresses (though one of Dunaway's more memorable scenes is only in the director's cut). There's also some pretty cool (albeit very dated) effects in the climax... but getting to that point can be a chore.

    Little wonder why Chris Reeve backed out of this project...

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  2. All I remember is Helen Slater. Was there a film, too?

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  3. I did fast forward to a few other scenes and was equally disappointed/annoyed/nauseated.

    I mean, what a great cast: Peter O'toole, Peter
    Cooke, Helen Slater, Faye Dunaway, Brenda Vaccaro..... amazing how the film could STILL be soul crushingly awful.

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  4. Yep. Faye Dunaway played it like she was hoping to inspire another round of Drag Queens to emulate her after her success with that in Mommie Dearest".

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  5. Gilligan--hahaha! If you didnt watch the whole blasted thing then you're not qualified to post that sign outside Popeye's Chicken!

    I gotta give the movie credit for 2 things:
    1) Helen Slater looked awesome in that classic costume, and even looked great in her brown wig & Linda Danvers getup!

    2) Compared to Superman II which was only a few years previous, the flying effects in this movie were MUCH better.

    It's just a rotten shame they were wasted on a crappy story.

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  6. Actually I think that it's decent. Could have and should have been better, but still likable and way better than the rather confused Superman 3 and the down right awful Superman 4.

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  7. I'll remember Supergirl for the fact it was a classic case of perfect casting in an awful movie. Helen Slater deserved a Supergirl II, or better still a full out "redo". She was every bit as perfect as Supergirl as Lynda Carter was as Wonder Woman. OK, she wasn't going to win any Oscars, but her performance was on par with Chris Reeve's first Superman outing. Sadly, the rest of the film, as you put it, sucked balls. The only other thing of any interest was the briefest of references to Chris Reeve's Superman, and an early pre-Max Headroom film appearance by Matt Frewer as a thug of all things. If anyone posts a "Helen Slater edit" of the movie (i.e just her parts with the rest of the dross cut out) I'd go for it.

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  8. Helen Slater was beautiful in that movie and they totally wasted her. I would've watched it again and again if they had just shown her walking around aimlessly, but they gave her no chance to show off her legs and bounce the back of her skirt off her bum.

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