Retro Movie Review #7: Viva Knievel! part 1

When I was kid, Evel Knievel was about as cool as it got. In retrospect, I'm not quite sure why this daredevil became such a phenomenon, but that's the way it was - they just didn't make 'em any cooler than Knievel. The 1977 film Viva Knievel! perfectly captures the awesomeness of Knievel in all his glory. In Viva Knievel the line between stunt man and superhero is blurred. All within this one film, Knievel helps an orphanage, unites an estranged father (Gene Kelly) with his son, defeats a drug lord (Leslie Nielson), bags a beautiful babe (Lauren Hutton), and of course performs a ton of kick ass stunts. However, Knievel's shining moment in the film is his anti-drug speech. It has to be seen to be believed.



I would never lie to you, so believe me when I tell you that I consider this is the most amazing speech in cinematic history. Hell, it may be the most amazing speech period. The combination of a poorly executed monotone delivery and inappropriate "blow all to hell" somehow makes it endearing, hilarious, and cool all at the same time.

Well, I have more to say about the film, but I guess I'll save it for the next post. This speech was a lot to take in, so I'll let you reflect on Knievel's words for another day. Check back tomorrow!

Mini Skirt Monday #20: More Computers 'n Miniskirts

Before computers became commonplace, they were the domain of nerds. But, before that, they were high-tech space-age sexy!

This ad and the next one are from Obsolete Technology, which has a truly amazing collection of vintage computer ads. I laughed out loud seeing Sarah Purcell from Real People and the cast of M*A*S*H* promoting computers.

Okay, I know this next one's a typwriter, not a computer. Close enough.
(also see Computers 'n Miniskirts Part One); top image from flickr

Vintage Scares #7: Movies That Make You Want to Take a Shower

Ever watched a movie so raunchy and foul that you felt like you needed to take a shower afterward? I mean the kind of movie that requires an entire bar of Neutrogena and some steel wool to wash off the sin from exposure to such a horrible piece of filth. I mean the kind of movie that requires that you watch something on TV innocent and pure like Highway to Heaven or Scooby Doo immediately afterward because you can't just go to sleep with this vile horror show floating around your subconscious.

I'm not talking about porn. Who cares about porn - that's just skank having sexual relations. I'm talking about taboo breaking, grubby, grindhouse trash from the 1970's. These movies knew no boundaries of good taste, and their only purpose was to shock and repulse. Here's some examples of my personal encounters with grindhouse at its worst (or best, depending on your perspective).

1. I Spit On Your Grave (1978)

On the one hand, it's a great revenge movie: Camille Keaton gets even with her attackers in a big way. On the other hand, the first half of the movie basically feels like a snuff film as we are forced to watch her get repeatedly sexually assaulted. I think if you are not slightly disturbed by this film, it may be time for some self-reflection.

2. Henry: A Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)

There's movies like Se7en which put audiences on the trail of a serial killer, and then there's movies like this one that put audiences in smack dab in the living room of a serial killer. Suffice it to say, it's kind of a sick feeling to sit in Henry Lee Lucas' Barcalounger for an hour and a half.

3. Satan's Blood, AKA Escalofrío (1978)
I can handle Rosemary's Baby and The Exorcist, but straight up satanism gives me the creeps. Satanic rituals, creepy dolls, demonic orgies, rape, murder, possession,... might want to have some holy water on hand. Even Alister Crowley would've been offended by this one. (image via Killer Kittens)

4. The Devil's Rejects (2005)
I've recently rewatched this and found it to be not too bad. No doubt, it's pretty rough at times, but IMHO it's not as horrific as your average 1970's grindhouse film. That being said, I have to include this one because of the circumstances in which I saw it: an office party. To celebrate an accomplishment, the people at work decided we could watch a film - and some idiot chose this one. I cannot emphasize this enough: THIS WAS THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE TWO HOURS OF MY ENTIRE LIFE.

I could name some others, but I'll stop there. I still have not gathered up enough stupidity to watch the notorious Cannibal Holocaust, and probably never will. I'm curious what movies left some of you with a particularly sick aftertaste. Leave a comment.

Retrospace Zeta #2

I needed another reason to be on the computer like I needed a hole in the head. My job is basically computers all day and I've been obsessed with this blog for the past year and a half (and see no end in sight). Now I have Retrospace Zeta on Tumblr to add even more time for my ass to be firmly planted in chair. One of my favorite quotes is by Betrand Russell:

"The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."

Whenever I hear someone feeling guilty about spending too much time on their cell phone, their Facebook, their favorite soap, etc. I simply ask them if they enjoyed it. If so, this is not wasted time - in fact, we'll all be more efficient, productive, and happy the next day if we allow ourselves some guilt-free time to enjoy ourselves each day.

Well, I'm taking the long way around to say that Tumblr is fun and addictive as hell and I'd like to start incorporating it here. So, from here on out, I'll be including images I've posted on Retrospace Zeta. The quality and number of posts here won't be affected - it'll just be an extra type of post offered here on Retrospace that I hope you'll enjoy.

So, without further ado, here's the first one...

I can't determine if the girl looks demonic or mentally handicapped. Either way, it's mildly disturbing. "What do you look for in a boy?" - evidently, this warped little girl looks for guys that look like they're a member of Kraftwerk.

(image via charm and poise)

Retro Badass #1: Richard Dawson

Who’s the coolest dude in the Retrospace universe? I don't even need a second to think about it. It’s an easy one – two words: RICHARD DAWSON. Take note:

1. As a young lad, he ran away from home and joined the British Merchant Marines and became a boxer. That’s cool.

2. In the 1960’s he was married to the smoking hot Diana Dors (real name Diana FLUCK). Dawson was the man!

3. On The Match Game he always had the smartest and wittiest answers. Plus he was cool as ice, smoking a cigarette and obviously tipsy.

4. Dawson was the leading instigator (along with Debralee Scott) in the incredible Match Game 1977 School Riot. Read about it here on Retrospace.

5. He recorded psychedelic music! (click to listen)

"Apples and Oranges"
"His Children's Parade"
6. Dawson was as smooth as 007 on the Family Feud, kissing mothers and daughters full on the lips every time. He even planted them on grandma.

7. Dawson didn’t go out on some shitty reality show or start guest starring in crap like Matlock and JAG. He retired with dignity in Beverly Hills.

As a postscript, I’ll mention that Diana Dors died with millions of pounds still in the bank. She left a cryptic code to her second husband, Alan Lake, to find the hidden loot, but he shot himself shortly after her death and so never collected. The mysterious code was then left to the Dawson family, who sent it to computer forensic experts who found it to be a Vigenère cipher. The code was cracked, but the message was found to be missing a page. The whereabouts of the fortune remains a mystery to this day. Intriguing!

Viva VHS #2: Uncomfortable Movie Moments with the Folks

In the early days of HBO and VCRs (around 1982-3), I would have sworn on a Bible that my mother timed her entrance into the living room to perfectly coincide with nude scenes. I’d be watching Trading Places all by my lonesome, and then as soon as Jamie Lee Curtis takes her sweater off – here comes mom. “What exactly are you watching, son?” As if this was some sort of porno rather than a 5 second topless scene.

I’ve heard the same sort of stories from other people – it seems everyone’s got an embarrassing and awkward movie viewing moment from their childhood. A co-worker once told me that for Christmas they got a brand new Betamax, and the whole family, including grandpa and grandma, gathered round to view the very first movie rental…. Fast Times at Ridgemont High! Little did they know, the whole family was about to be treated to teen sex, masturbation, abortion, drug use and nudity on that memorable Christmas morn.

Personally, my worst moment was going with my mother to see what I thought would be something similar to Pretty in Pink or St. Elmo’s Fire. That movie was Less than Zero, and the scene with a butt naked Robert Downey, Jr. with semen running down his chin was pretty uncomfortable to watch with mom. Sure, I was old enough to vote, but that didn't make it any less awkward.

Then there's the time mom, my little brother and I went to see Eddie Murphy's stand-up comedy movie, Raw. Given the title, I'm not sure how none one of us suspected it might be a little.... well, raw.

Anyone else have any uncomfortable movie moments with the folks?

Hey, Isn't That....? #3: Lousy Opening Shots

We all gotta start somewhere, I guess, but it's still fun to catch big name celebs of today in trash from yesteryear. I just watched the film Cutting Class (1989), a movie that achieves levels of awfullness I never thought possible - yet, it starred Brad Pitt, so I watched. I haven't seen Kevin Costner's early film (after being the corpse in The Big Chill) Sizzle Beach U.S.A., but I'm pretty sure it will be just as lousy as Pitt's debut.

As my mind wandered while watching the brain numbing Cutting Class, I began to wonder what actor has the absolute worst debut. Is there an actor with an early film so awful, it makes Cutting Class look like Citizen Kane? I hereby submit that this honor shall go to Vincent D'Onofrio.

The First Turn-On (1983) is so soul crushingly awful, it had me questioning the very existence of God... for no just and good Creator would allow such a thing to exist. Here's my ontological argument:

1. God is something of which nothing greater can be thought.
2. Man clearly and distinctly perceives that necessary existence is contained in the idea of God
3. The First Turn-On was made
4. Therefore, God does not exist

I think D'Onofrio's character is supposed to be retarded, but the rest of the cast is so incredibly stupid, I'm not quite certain. Anyway, D'Onofrio redeamed himself in 1987 as "Thor" in Adventures in Babysitting and Private Pyle in Full Metal Jacket that same year. (BTW- D'Onofrio was supposed to play alongside Anthony Michael Hall in Full Metal Jacket, but Hall acted like such a putz on the set that Kubrick replaced him with Matthew Modine.)

Anyway, if you think you can come up with a better example of a lousy debut (or even just an early film) than D'Onofrio, put it in a comment, I'd be interested to hear!

Obscure Grooves #1: "In The First Place" by The Remo Four

In 1967, director Joe Massot went looking for a band to compose the soundtrack to his new film Wonderwall, starring Jane Birkin. The Bee Gees and Graham Nash wanted the opportunity, but fate put Massot at the grand opening of the Beatles' Apple Boutique where he found just the man for the job - George Harrison.

George was the only Beatle at this point who hadn't worked independently on a film. Paul had scored Haley Mills' The Family Way, John had acted in How I Won the War, and Ringo was appearing in both Candy and The Magic Christian. Naturally, George was very receptive to Massot's request.

George commissioned a band called The Remo Four to be his studio musicians. Sadly enough, the band was on the verge of breaking up and had been dropped by two labels. However, they were known as good studio musicians, were managed by Brian Epstein, and one member, Colin Manley, was a former schoolmate of Paul McCartney at the Liverpool Institute for Boys. The group fit the bill perfectly. Eric Clapton was also called in to augment the group, although his work on the album is uncredited.

The movie premiered on November 1, 1968. It was an incredibly stylized, surreal psychedelic work and never gained much mass appeal - it was never released in the States either. George's soundtrack was purely instrumental and contained heavy Indian influences. It was the first release on the newly formed Apple label, and the first official solo album by a Beatle; but, wasn't much of a commercial success. It wasn't long before both the movie and its soundtrack were completely forgotten.

Thirty years later, Massot took a look at the old Wonderwall tapes and discovered that there was a beautiful piece of psychedelic pop called "In the First Place" that had not been included in the film score, since it contained vocals! Massot quickly contacted George Harrison to get the OK to include it on the re-release of Wonderwall. George agreed, but only on the condition that The Remo Four be given credit.

What a great find this is. "In the First Place" sounds like it would fit in perfectly with the rest of the tracks on the Magical Mystery Tour LP. If you like "Blue Jay Way", "Only a Northern Song", "It's All Too Much" and "Within and Without You", this may be right up your alley. I, for one, am thankful Massot rescued this near perfected psychedelic gem.

Source: The Story of "In the First Place" by Martin Lewis

Top 20 Groups of 1975 and Today

Results from the CREEM Reader's Poll of the Top 20 Groups in 1975:

1. Rolling Stones
2. Led Zeppelin
3. The Who
4. Aerosmith
5. Kiss
6. Bad Company
7. Roxy Music
8. Queen
9. Elton John
10. Pink Floyd
11. Bruce Springsteen
12. Black Sabbath
13. Rod Stewart & the Faces
14. David Bowie
15. The Eagles
16. Sparks
17. Jefferson Starship
18. The Tubes
19. Alice Cooper
20. Yes

Results from the Poll of Myself of the Top 20 Groups in 2009:

1. Isn't there a group called Fall Out Boy, or something?
2. Wait, I know - Queens of the Stone Age.... no they've probably broken up by now...
3. Ummmm.... how about Wolf Bait?
4. Actually, I made that last name up.
5. Coldplay
6. No, I hate Coldplay. Strike that last one.
7. Ummmm.... pass
8. Fall Out Boy.... no, I said them already. Shit!
9. Are the Pixies still together? How about Ween? If they are, then I name them.
10. Pass
11. Pass
12. There's some good songs on car commercials by some indie bands I can't think of.... but if you're selling your songs to Hyundai, you're an effing sell-out, so nevermind.
13. Pass
14. If Jack White would team up with Beck and Waylon Jennings' son - I'd name that band. That would be really good.... I guess. Nevermind, it would probably be awful.
15. Pass
16. I tell you what - let's quit this charade. I can't name a single contemporary band. Sue me. They all suck. How about we forget this whole thing ever happened? Peace out.
17.
18.
19.
20.

Trivia Newton-John #11

Continuing with the theme of the last two posts, this Trivia Newton-John will also deal with Hick Flicks and Redneck Cinema.

As always, the winner will receive a nice Trivia Newton-John Award to place proudly in your blog's sidebar. Plus, this time Retrospace is offering a free download of Redneck Zombies from iTunes! This is a $9.99 value - you can view the movie here on iTunes. To qualify for the free download you only need an email address linked to an iTunes account (you can set one up for free if you do not already have one). Sorry, only U.S. residents are eligible to win.

The first person to leave correct answers to all 5 questions in a comment will be declared the winner. Don't worry if comments before you have already answered a few correctly, they don't count - all I'm lookin' for is FIVE RIGHT ANSWERS WITHIN ONE COMMENT. Good luck!


1. The image above is from a 1973 hick flick starring Burt Reynolds. The original director for the film quit after working two and a half months on the project. Who was the original director?

2. What 1974 horror hick flick featured the voice of an actor who would later become a star on the TV show Night Court?

3. What 1978 trucker movie featured a main character with the CB handle "Rubber Duck"?

4. What hick flick am I referring to with the following clues? (A) "East Bound and Down", (B) Little Enos, and (C) 1977 T-Top Trans-Am

5. What 1978 hick flick featured the songs "Coca Cola Cowboy" by Mel Tillis, "I Can't Say No To A Truck Drivin' Man" by Carol Chase and a theme song by Eddie Rabbitt?





Once again, good luck - and don't forget to answer all five in your comment. I'll declare the winner tomorrow evening (if there is one yet). I'd also like to thank the generosity of the sponsor for this fun giveaway.

***Update***
We have a winner! Dartman, collect your award! I have already emailed you about getting the free download. Congratulations!

The Retrospace List of Redneck Cinema and Hick Flicks

Imagine my surprise when I discovered there's no respectable list of Hick Flicks anywhere to be found on the Internets. Call it whatever you want, Redneck Cinema, Hicksploitation, Hixsploitation, or Whitesploitation - there's no list anywhere. Wikipedia has a rather pathetic paragraph which references a woefully incomplete list at The Deuce, and beyond that, there's nothing. So, here's my attempt at creating a list. I'm sure I'm leaving some out, so I encourage you to point out any omissions so that this list can be as complete as possible.

Any Which Way You Can
Bad Georgia Road
Baker County, U.S.A
Best Little Whorehouse in Texas
Big Bad Mama
Black Oak Conspiracy
Blastfighter
Bloody Mama
Bobbie Jo and the Outlaw
Bonnie and Clyde
Bootleggers
Breaker Beauties
Breaker! Breaker!
Buster and Billie
Checkerboard
Child Bride
Citizen's Band
Coast to Coast
Cockfighter
Common Law Wife
The Concrete Cowboys
Convoy
Corky
Country Blue
Country Cuzzins
Deadhead Miles
Death Proof
Deliverance
The Devil's 8
The Dion Brothers
Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry
Dixie Dynamite
Dream No Evil
Drum
Eat My Dust
Eaten Alive
Every Which Way but Loose
Evil in the Swamp
The Farmer
Fight for Your Life
Fighting Mad
Final Chapter: Walking Tall
Fireball 500
Flatbed Annie & Sweety Pie
Framed
Gator
Gator Bait
Good Ol' Boys (TV movie)
The Great Smokey Roadblock
The Great Texas Dynamite Chase
Grizzly
High Ballin'
Hillbillies in a Haunted House
Honky
Hot Stuff
Hot Summer in Barefoot County
Hud
Hunter's Blood
I Spit on Your Grave
If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do?
Jackson County Jail
Joe Dirt
Just Before Dawn
The Legend of Boggy Creek
Little Laura & Big John
Macon County Line
Mandingo
Moonrunners
Moonshine County Express
Moonshine Mountain
The Moonshine War
Moonshiner's Woman
Motel Hell
Mother's Day
Movin' On
Mudhoney
Nashville Girl
Nashville Rebel
The Pigkeeper's Daughter
Poor Pretty Eddie
Poor White Trash
Preacherman
Raising Arizona
Redneck Country
Redneck Miller
Redneck Zombies
Return to Macon County
Ruckus
Savage Weekend
Scum of The Earth
Shotgun Wedding
Six Pack
Six Pack Annie
Sixteen
A Small Town in Texas
Smokey & the Bandit I, II, III
Smokey and the Hotwire Gang
Southern Comfort
Steel Cowboy
Stroker Ace
Swamp Country
Swamp Girl
Swamp Water
Swamp Women
Take This Job and Shove It
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This Stuff'll Kill Ya
Thunder and Lightning
Thunder in Carolina
Thunder Road
Tick...tick...tick...
The Town That Dreaded Sundown
Two Thousand Maniacs
Trapped
Truckin' Man
Urban Cowboy
Walking Tall (I and II)
White Lightning
White Line Fever
W.W. and The Dixie Dancekings
Year of the Yahoo

Note: Read the previous post for background information on the genre of Redneck Cinema. And, again, please put any omitted Hick Flicks in a comment, so that the comments section can serve as an extension of the list. There needs to be a definitive Hick Flick list somewhere!

Hick Flicks, Hicksploitation, and Redneck Cinema

One of my favorite genres of film is Redneck Cinema. It's got everything a man could ever want in a movie: car chases, senseless violence, Honky Tonk Heroes, girls in cutoff shorts, and maybe even a hairy swamp creature of some kind. They come in many flavors: low-budget Hicksploitation (AKA Hixsploitation and Whitesploitation), Hillbilly Horror, and all those trucker movies. I am particularly fond of the term "Hick Flick", coined by Scott Von Doviak, author of Hick Flicks: The Rise and Fall of Redneck Cinema, to encompass all these subgenres - "Redneck Cinema" doesn't quite capture them all.

What exactly is a Hick Flick, you ask? Well, that requires a rather lengthy explanation. To understand it fully, you need to really acquaint yourself with the mindset of the 70's, a time when lowbrow was cool - it was an extension of the hippie mentality of living free and not taking orders from "the man" (see my post Lust for Lowbrow for more on this subject). Case in point: there was a lot of overlap between hippie/stoner films and redneck cinema - Cheech and Chong smuggling hash across the border while being pursued by Stacey Keach wasn't all that different than Burt Reynolds smuggling booze while being pursued by Jackie Gleason.

Currently, there's a slight increase in redneck cinema (i.e. The Dukes of Hazzard remake, The Devil's Rejects, and various Larry the Cable Guy projects), but it's not the same. I want to be Philo BeDoe (Every Which Way But Loose) - to kick ass and answer to nobody. When I'm at work, every bit the white shirt office worker, I want to be Gator McKlusky (White Lightning) and smuggle moonshine and drive a muscle car. You just don't find this sort of blue collar idealism today.

There also seemed to be a great deal of fear of the backwoods in the 70's. Movies like Deliverance, I Spit on Your Grave and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre tapped into audience's primal fears of life far, far from the suburbs. Living off the land and back to nature (i.e. "Me and You and a Dog Named Boo") was the hippie ideal, but there was also an element of danger in abandoning the city. A sociologist would have a field day examining the 1970's mindset of deriding shopping malls and urban sprawl ("scars upon the land", as John Denver once sang), and at the same time being scared to death of rural life.

Given the significance of the Hick Flick and its level of popularity, you'd think there'd be a good comprehensive list out there somewhere.... there's not. In my next post, I will attempt to get as close to creating a definitive list as I possibly can - and will ask for your assistance to fill in the gaps. Check back in tomorrow!

End Notes:

1. I should also mention that 70's television also had its share of hick programming -BJ & the Bear, Concrete Cowboys, Dukes of Hazzard, and Sheriff Lobo to name a few.

2. For further discussion on this subject, you may want to check an earlier post: When Truckers Were Cool and Lust for Lowbrow

3. What movie marks the end of the Hick Flick heyday? I think that honor goes to Stroker Ace.

Torn Between Two Lovers: Tumblr and Blogger

Well, I’ve fiddled with Tumblr enough now to hopefully give a pretty good comparison between Blogger and Tumblr. Let me say right off the bat that this is not going to be a slam against either one– they both have their pros and cons, and it simply depends on your preferences. In fact, it is a lot like comparing apples and oranges – Tumblr and Blogger are two totally different things. Here’s the lowdown (for those who aren’t already familiar with both):

1. Tumblr posts are like dust in the wind

In other words, a Tumblr post may get heavy traffic for a couple days (if you're lucky), but then it’s unlikely very many people will ever see it again. It’s a lot like Twitter, except with photos or audio. In contrast, Blogger posts are often visited months and even years later. I love checking out my Feedjit (located in the sidebar) and seeing people visit posts published over a year ago – it does my heart good to know that a post that I labored over will not essentially vanish in a couple days.

In a sense, Tumblr is more like blogging used to be at the very beginning- no frills stream-of-consciousness type stuff with lots of links (blog = web log).

2. Tumblr is like the Wild West

Photos are swiped with abandon on Tumblr. Most of the time your picture is sourced if it was posted on Tumblr (since Tumblr makes it so easy to “reblog” someone else’s Tumblr post with a source cited); however, everything else is fair game. I’m constantly seeing my stuff from Retrospace on Tumblr with not a single reference to the source. This sucks. But 99% of Tumblr posts are NOT original material, but rather swiped from somewhere else. No one scans a photo themselves, or takes a picture themselves (unless it’s a boring family/friends photo for personal use). Tumblr encourages reblogging other Tumblr posts, but wholesale swiping with no references is epidemic on Tumblr.

It’s also like the Wild West in that there seems to be no censorship whatsoever. Extremely graphic images are everywhere on Tumblr. In contrast, your Blogger blog can be flagged, and your blog can be designated as having adult content. Plus, Blogger may sometimes just straight up delete your ass. Everything and anything is fair game on Tumblr.

3. Tumblr is effortless and pretty

Try posting an audio file on Blogger – it’s awful. Where will you store your audio file? Blogger gives you only limited space, and adding it to places like Rapidshare can often be more trouble than it’s worth. It also helps if you know a little HTML, but it’s still a big pain. Adding an imeem song is also cumbersome, and it’s got big giant ads. In stark contrast, Tumblr lets you add one audio track per day, and it takes about three seconds and works beautifully.

Try changing your Blogger template/theme. Chances are, it will irreparably screw up your blog borders, fonts, photos…. everything will look like crap unless you spend hours fixing it. However, in Tumblr you can choose from hundreds of themes, and the switch never messes up the look. Plus, it takes less than a minute.

Just as Typepad and Wordpress have features that Blogger doesn’t have (for a price), Blogger has a lot that Tumblr doesn’t. Examples: (1) detailed analytics of who’s visiting your site, (2) compatibility with a lot of widgets, (3) and sidebar gadgets – Tumblr doesn’t even have the ability to display followers, only those blogs you are following.

4. Tumblr is addictive and community oriented

Tumblr gives you a numeric “Tumblarity” based on your activity (how many posts have been “liked”, reblogged, etc.). For those of you that get a good feeling watching your followers and Google Page Rank increase, this will be extremely addictive. There’s instant gratification when you click on a post and see all the people that have reblogged and liked it.

On the other hand, Tumblarity can be more of an annoyance than an inspiration for many. Just as your Tumblarity can rise, it will also fall. A few days of inactivity, and your Tumblarity may drop significantly. It also seems to favor posts that are quick and mildly amusing, rather than truly interesting original content. If it would look cool on a t-shirt, it's probably a good Tumblr picture. The more sarcastic, ironic and smug, the better.

However, I have to say the community nature of Tumblr is much more robust than Blogger. I’ve been on it a week and already have over 100 followers – something that took me many months to achieve in Blogger. Everybody is sharing and commenting like mad; whereas on Blogger, I may have a post viewed 3,000 times and it gets a measly 2 comments.

So, both platforms have their strengths and weaknesses. Blogger is certainly in no immediate danger of being replaced by Tumblr, but it had better make a few changes such as making audio posts easier, accentuate the “social networking” aspect, and ease up on the censorship if it wants to keep Tumblr in its rear view mirror. Let’s not forget, Yahoo was once top dog and had their own blogging platform (dare I speak its name?)….. Geocities!

Mini Skirt Monday #19: At the Office

It's become kind of the proverbial image of the pre-liberated workplace - the lecherous boss and his sexy secretary. The movie 9 to 5 mocked the stereotype, and Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy did an excellent job at poking fun at 70's workplace sexism. Of course, we're being a bit naive if we think this sort of thing still doesn't go on, but I don't think it's anything close to what it was.

I've shown the next ad before on Retrospace. The "LSD" acronym on the picket sign rocks my world - a reference to acid in a copy machine ad? That's pretty amazing.


Click here to view full size

Reservations and billing all done on a typewriter... I can barely remember the days before computers were everywhere. Remember that nasty carbon paper, the annoying typewriter ribbon, when a single typo could mean you'd have to retype the whole damn page, and having to look how to spell stuff in the dictionary? Seems so archaic now - as if I'm describing life in the Depression era.

Click here to view full size

One of my favorite pictures, I've used this next one a couple times here at Retrospace. I don't know what it is about it I like - it just oozes "retroness" from every pixel.



.... and last but not least, a couple screen shots of Linda Thorson in The Avengers (1968). In this episode she's posing as a secretary who gets frozen in place by trance-inducing criminals disguised as Classy Glass Cleaning Co. Ltd. workers in order to swipe Cypher HQ secrets from the Ministry Of Top-Secret Codes.... nevermind, it's complicated.

A Lesson in 1980's Teen Movie Clichés

It would be pretty hard to pick a type of film more predictable than the 1980’s teen movie, especially the romantic comedy variety. These movies rarely strayed far from the template and generally managed to include all of the following commandments:

1. There will be a school dance and/or party
2. There will be alcohol and/or drug abuse
3. There will be a love story with obstacles to be overcome
4. There will be gratuitous nudity
5. There will be the act or discussion of losing ones virginity
6. At least 5 of the following 7 stock characters will be present: a popular jock, a school diva, a rebel, a geek, a misfit, a new kid, and an average girl/boy

It’s actually kind of fun trying to recall these 80’s teen movies and see how well they meet the above criteria. For instance, Sixteen Candles and Fast Times at Ridgemont High would appear to meet all 6, while Better Off Dead scores a 5, and The Breakfast Club scores only a 4.

One of my favorites, Just One of the Guys (1985), is a textbook example of a formula totally free of any creative contamination. This is the formula in its purest most pristine form, unencumbered by originality. Let’s examine how faithful it is to the code, shall we?

The movie stars Joyce Hyser (a girlfriend of Bruce Springsteen at one time) as Terry, a girl who feels she's not taken seriously because of her good looks. So, she enrolls in a rival school disguised as a boy (that's what anyone would do, right?) and writes a journalism paper on the experience. Along the way, she falls in love with a fellow high school student - the only problem is, he thinks she's a guy.

1. There will be a school dance and/or party
Just One of the Guys can’t boast of both a party and a dance like Sixteen Candles and Pretty In Pink, but it does meet the requirement. The dance scene is the climax of the film…. and, yes, that is Sherilyn Fenn on the front row.

2. There will be alcohol and/or drug use
Alcohol abuse occurs when Terry comes home wasted after a night out with her boyfriend, and she has to crawl up the stairs. No weed in this one though, as in Fast Times and The Breakfast Club.

3. There will be a love story with obstacles to be overcome
There’s a love story: Terry falls in love with the “new kid”. The obstacle is that she is disguised as a guy. Usually the obstacle is class difference (Valley Girl, Pretty in Pink) or a popularity difference (Can’t Buy Me Love, Sixteen Candles), so this one does have a tiny bit of originality by making perceived gender be the obstacle .

4. There will be gratuitous nudity
Movies rated PG in the 80’s often snuck in brief female nudity. Clash of the Titans, Doc Hollywood, The Woman in Red, and Weird Science all had it, and Just One of the Guys is no exception. [spoiler alert] This is about as gratuitous as it gets: to convince the guy she likes that she is really a girl, she shows him her breasts. (!) Seems like she could have just shown him a driver's license or maybe just told him later while not in disguise.... something other than exposing herself.

5. There will be the act or discussion of losing ones virginity
Terri's little brother meets this criteria with gusto - his every word is about the subject. Although, the actual act is never shown (as in Fast Times and The Last American Virgin)

6. At least 5 of the following 7 stock characters will be present: a popular jock, a school diva, a rebel, a geek, a misfit, a new kid, and an average girl/boy

Allow me to introduce you to the 6 stock characters:

(1) No one could play an asshole jock quite like William Zabka. Here he's basically playing the exact same character as he did in The Karate Kid.

(2) Denise is nowhere near as stuck up and tyrannical as Heather Thomas in Zapped! or Steff's girlfriend in Pretty in Pink , but she's still the diva of the school and is always surrounded by a clique of admiring girls. She's more like Jake's girlfriend in Sixteen Candles- she seems bitchy at first, but turns out she's got a heart of gold.

(3) Although Terry is dressed up as a guy, she qualifies as the average girl-next-door which Molly Ringwald typified.

(4) and (5) Her love interest, Rick, I think meets the criteria for both "new kid" and "rebel". This is his first year at the school, so he's friendless. Plus, he gets in fights and is not afraid to confront the jock, Zabka - sort of reminiscent of the mother-of-all-teen-movies, Rebel Without a Cause. Of course, that's where the similarity ends - in RWAC, Natalie Wood never whipped out her breasts to show James Dean.

(6) The two geeks in this movie are so abnormal, they defy plausibility. They speak in an alien tongue and their shrill laugh has to be heard to be believed. Anthony Michael Hall was at least likeable - these guys are freaking scary.

Whether the guy in the cafeteria with the snakes qualifies as "the misfit" is up for debate. Either way, Just One of the Guys is a stellar example of fulfilling nearly all of the conventions of an 80's teen romantic comedy. It was fun to compare it against "the code". Next time, maybe I'll look at conventions in 80's slasher movies.... might be interesting.